There Once Was Something Here [Fiction Friday, Part 2]

For Those Of You Who Haven't Read It, Here Is Part 1

Chapter One

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Tyson sighed as he stared longingly towards his parents' camper-van, watching wind its way down the cedar-lined road that exited Fenderson University. His parents had, in the typical fashion, expressed their pride at him for making it this far in life, and explained to him that - as he was starting university, and would be living so far from home - he was an adult now, and that he had a great amount of responsibility coming up. They kissed their son goodbye, took one last look at the surrounds of his new home and, as his mother wept softly behind her sunglasses, drove off into the sunset.

"Well...this kinda sucks..." Tyson stood stone solid for a while, as the world shifted around him at what he was certain was warp speed. Unsure of what to do now that he was twelve hours from his home and friends, he eventually resigned himself to his fate of a string of lonely nights in his dorm room. He forced himself into movement once more, and life returned to a more acceptable pace.

Forlornly, Tyson trudged back to his on campus room, ignoring the more cheerful of his new university brethren who happened to bump into him. His march of mourning, however, was cut short by the feeling of someone belting into him at full force.

"Tai!" The voice sounded hoarse, and there was more than a slight sense of urgency about it. Tyson looked up to meet the gaze of his assailant - he at least wanted to be able to describe the guy who stole his wallet to the police. It was unfortunate, then, that the man who now had him by the shoulders was covered in a hoodie that hung down over his face.

"Who...how did you know my name?!" Tyson stammered as he tried to take in as much air as he could, preparing himself for conflict in the only way his brain could currently process - panic.

His attacker shook him lightly by the shoulders. "Get out of here. Go back home. Go to another uni. Go to England. Just get out of here..." he stressed in a hushed tone, as he turned back to check the direction he came from. As he turned back around his hood raised just enough for the glint off his eyes to become visible, and inside all that Tyson could see was fear. The two swallowed hard in unison.

"What..." Tyson started out, but it was too late. The man who had grabbed him launched himself off Tyson's shoulders and was running at full pace away. Tyson attempted to follow his movements, but he soon became lost in the sea of students milling around the paths of the university. "Okay...I am now officially wishing that today would end..." Tyson muttered to himself as he continued the walk back to his new room, and his familiar things. Perhaps some alone time with his computer would calm his shaken nerves.

Thankfully he did not have to wait very long before he made it back to the Levit Buildings - his current hall of residence - as the student crowd thinned out, trickling down to a stream of those residing in the lower grade of accommodation. He swiped his access card to get into the building, taking a brief inventory of what the common room had to offer: couches, tables, kitchen space, a TV...the basics, and little more. He made his way silently to his room, hoping that he wouldn't draw the attention of his dorm-mates.

"Finally," he thought as he swiped his access card across his door's lock, "it's time to spend some time alone for..."

"Hello Tyson!" his thought was interrupted by two voices coming from behind him.

He spun around and glared. "Why does everybody here know my name?!"

Link To Next Part

It's Like Being Taught To Dance By Agent Milla Vodello

Before I get right into today's blog, Internet denizens, I must first make two statements - these are pretty important, so bear with me. The first statement of importance is a simple apology - I'm sorry that I wasn't able to make a post yesterday, however I was quite sick and writing something that matches my usual level of coherence was...well...it wasn't going well, let's just say that - it wasn't until about 8pm that I actually started to perk up and regain my usual level of vim.

The second highly important thing that I simply must tell you is so startling, that you may well forcefully (and yet unwillingly) eject any liquids in your mouth at high velocity. So, you know, swallow now. Oh...It's just so hard to say some things...Oh well, here it goes: Mexican jumping beans are the creepiest "foodstuff" of all time. There, I said it. But seriously, why would television tell me that it's okay to eat these things? Given that, in reality, they are just an empty seed in which a moth larva has taken up residency (and they spasm when their temperature changes abruptly, which causes the 'jump') I would think that they are, at the very least, entirely unpleasant to consume...

But anyway, on to the main attraction of today's show! As regular readers of OHH will no doubt be aware, I have recently started a health kick - it's been going strong for just over two weeks now, and I feel really good about the progress I'm making. In my life I swear that I have never eaten as many vegetables as I have since the new year started - and I'm really growing to quite like some of them (although trying new ones, especially in Bathurst, is kind of difficult as we are slightly starved for choice...however I am trying home-stir-fried eggplant today...hmm...) The addition of chillis in increasing degrees of spiciness is also going quite well. As of yesterday (weigh-in Wednesday, don't you know) I have lost 2.8Kg, which is 2.6% of my original body weight.

So, if I'm going so well with this whole "let's not suffer massive coronary problems when I'm forty" plan, then why (you may well ask) am I mentioning it in my blog? Well, it is true that part of being a healthy little meat-sack is eating right - ensuring that my body has all of the vitamins it needs to keep itself going. However there is also the whole (and I am loathe to say this word) exercise thing that has to be done as well, so that my body knows that yes, I do still need those legs and lungs (also, so that I can have wicked abs...abdominal muscles like sections of a Hershey Bar.)

There are many ways in which one could attempt to become physically fit - running, cycling, swimming, going to the gym...the list just goes on and on. Unfortunately for myself, I'm not really at the point where running is a viable option, I hate cycling on the road (I don't feel safe at all), I'm not big on swimming for...reasons, and if I wanted to see a bunch of guys whose heads are too small for their body then I'd go to the circus (at least there I wouldn't feel as if they were constantly judging me...)

To this end I have had to find alternate methods of being "active", as it were. On the short list are: yoga (to increase my flexibility), tai-chi (it's a more effective martial art than you think), bellydancing (which I only put on the list so that I had an excuse to watch people do it - it looks so very cool), and playing expert drums on Rock Band 3 (it's a lot more physical exertion than one would expect). There is, however, one final method that I attempted last night: Zumba.

So, I wanted to let you know about my experiences with the whole "Latin Dance as Exercise" thing that the Zumba people have going on. I initially expected, as I'm sure most people would, that it would just be horrible and stupid and I wouldn't get anything from it at all. I could not have been more wrong. By the end of the half-hour of bouncing around my lounge-room I was sweating, my body was sore, and I had that "good" feeling about myself that I get when I exercise properly. But it was more than that - it was (I will begrudgingly admit) fun. Seriously, I would never have expected just how much fun it was going to be.

I loaded up the routine (it went for an hour, but I only had time for half of it) and stood there, thinking to myself "this could be heaven or this could be hell" (sorry, once I started typing it, I couldn't stop.) Suddenly this really happy, perky, and fit (in both senses of the word) lady was on the screen, with two equally attributed ladies in the background - "Great", I thought, "Hell it is then..." - and then we actually got into it. I will admit, I must have looked like the Star Wars Kid. Still, there was something so...gratifying I guess...about being able to pull off the steps that the people on screen were performing, and having the lady praise me for it. Yes, I know she was a recording, and I know she'll say that even if I mess up majorly, but there's some part of my brain that just...it feels nice ^_^

Anyway, if you're looking for a form of exercise which doesn't force you to leave the house, which doesn't seem to make time drag on and on and on, and which is actually kind of enjoyable, then I would recommend Zumba to you. I seriously still cannot believe that I just said that, but there it is. I would, however, probably advise that you do it alone. If you're like me, then it's probably not something that you want other people to see you doing. Oh yeah, and wear loose fitting clothing (or just do it in your boxers - you're alone, who cares what you wear, as long as you're comfortable!)

The moral of this story is that, when I am fit and flexible, I will be able to really start getting into something that my friends and I have wanted to do for a while now (remembering that "a while" is a relative term.) At some point last year, Squiggles made the announcement that he wanted to learn how to do parkour or free-running (I'm still not sure which one he wants to do, actually) and he invited myself, Spud, and a couple of other people to form a club where we try and teach ourselves how to do it and such...It will either be really really cool, or someone (or multiple someones) will end up in traction...

There Seems To Be A Disparity Between The Two Aspects Of This Holiday...

There is a tradition, I have been told, which dictates when we are supposed to take down our Christmas decorations. This, however, does not surprise me - after all, there are many traditions surrounding the holiday season. These range from the overtly religious (such as lighting the menorah) to those with more social inclinations (such as the giving of gifts to your family and friends.) As someone who has some interesting issues with obsessing over things being "just right", I find traditions fascinating, and I think that it is often important to follow them (assuming no-one is, you know, hurt or anything...) simply because it is traditional.

There, however, are a couple of traditions which I tend to like more than others. For instance I'm quite fond of the way that people open Advent Calendars to start the countdown to Christmas - even though the advent starts on the fourth Sunday before December 25th, and so most people open their Calendars either too late (or too early, in very rare occasions...) I'm also fond of the tradition of wearing paper hats whilst eating Christmas Dinner, for no other reason that the fact that it has always been done (interestingly enough, as far as I can tell, this practice also dates back to Saturnalia, read the wikipedia article I linked above...) The tradition I enjoy most of all, however, is a celebration which I call Dwainemas. It's basically celebrated in the same way that Tino's family celebrate the solstice - I just wanted to give it a cool name...

The tradition that I mentioned in my opening, however (i.e. the removal of Christmas decorations neither before, nor after, Epiphany - January 6th) has somehow been superceeded by another tradition that seems to be sneaking closer and closer to the start of each year. A tradition that, in its own right, probably shouldn't exist (well, okay, I'll get to that point later...like...in a couple of months...) A tradition which is pushed onto us by shops in their insidious attempts to push consumerism and such onto us. Not that I'm particularly anti-consumerism. Indeed, I like purchasing things as much as the next guy. Still, though, I think that this is going just a little too far...Maybe I'm just getting old...

Oh, but I am yet to tell you of the action taken by the supermarkets that has managed to draw such ire from me. What could they have possibly done to offend me so? The answer, dear Internet friends, is this. Can't quite tell what that is, netizens? Well..admittedly that image is a little blurry, but the one that I took has my mother's crutch in the photo (she broke her leg a little while ago) and she now refuses to let me put anything that is attached to her in any way on the internet anywhere (after a picture I once put on Facebook embarrassed her slightly...) Anyway, the picture is of Easter Eggs.

Yes, that's right, Easter Eggs. I cannot believe that, as little as one week after Christmas ended, various shops around Australia (I'm looking at you Woolworths) began advertising the fact that you could purchase Hot Cross Buns and Easter Eggs to prepare for the "upcoming holiday". What upcoming holiday? Australia Day?! I just...I find it so incredible that people would be willing to purchase these things for the express purpose of using them at Easter so long before it actually occurs. For one thing, the buns will go stale. Secondly, and more concerning, is that any chocolate bought for Easter at this time of year is going to be eaten well before the holiday actually arrives, and I don't want anybody eating anything that was meant for me, without having had me offer it to them first.

I mean, sure this allows us to eat multitudes of delicious food before the time of year that it's meant to be eaten. Many people I know have long lamented the fact that you can only purchase Cadbury Cream Eggs at a certain time of year. But still, if you're going to start selling them now, then you may as well just bump up the price a little and put them on sale year round. It may slightly defeat the supply/demand chain that makes them sell so well when they are available, but that's what the price increase is for.

So here's the deal, supermarkets of Australia. You stop pushing your holidays into my face before the current one has technically ended, and I won't be forced to sit here and do absolutely nothing to stop you...That's right, you think about the consequences of that. In fact, and better yet, how about you don't start selling things for a holiday that is two holiday blocks away. Australia Day is yet to come to us, and you're already selling Easter things. Really. Shame. Tut. Tsk.

The moral of this story is that, whilst it might seem that I'm having a small rant about consumerism and how the major supermarkets play on our love for giving/receiving gifts in the holiday period, I am in fact simply bitter about the fact that I can't really have a "full Easter". This is, of course, because of a two-fold issue caused by a combination of my improved diet regime, and the fact that I'm lactose intolerant. Well, nuts to you, milk chocolate, I prefer your darker brother anyway. He knows where all the good nightspots are. He knows how to have fun. He can introduce me to people, man...

By The Might Of Zeus' Beard, What Are You Listening To Child?

Everybody, I have come to find, has a secret shame. More often than not, in fact, it isn't just one secret shame that they are harbouring, but indeed quite the number. Today I've decided to talk to you about one of my favourite shames - although I suppose it's really not so secret, and really it does seem to be shared by so many people (some of whom, for reasons that are completely unknown to me, try to hide it substantially more vehemently than others...)

Before I divulge the full topic of today's blog, however, I wanted to share with you an idea that I had whilst driving back from Inverell with my brother after Christmas last year. If anybody has driven basically anywhere inside Australia in the past year-and-a-bit, then they would have seen the "Jesus - All About Life" posters that the Christian folks have been putting up about the place in (what I assume) is an attempt to subconsciously get drivers (who would only see the signs out of the corner of their eye) to acknowledge Jesus.

Nice try, guys. You get a 7 on the sneakiness scale for that one (I adjusted for general experience with stealth, and usual levels of overtness, and so forth).

My plan, on the other hand, is somewhat more overt. What I am, one day, going to do is make up a sign that copies that "Jesus" sings in every detail - except I am going to introduce a slight rewording on their theme. Instead of "Jesus - All About Life" on my posters, what I intend on having displayed about the place is a series of signs espousing something along the lines of "Zues, All About Getting Busy With Mortals". I mean, if we're going to have these signs for one deity, then we may as well make them for a series of them. If you can come up with any for any other gods, then please feel free to leave a comment ^_^.

Anyway, onto what I initially intended this blog to be about - cheesy pop music. That's right, happy bubblegum pop that, somehow, no matter what kind of mood you are in, convinces some part of your brain to just bounce up and down, and boogie on around. I'm talking about songs like Stacie's Mom, Doctor Jones, and Do It With Madonna. Songs that, whilst the majority of the asinine the lyrical content in the world is located within, you put on loudly when no-one else is home and jive around in your underpants.

Looking at my iPod, I can tell you that those three songs mentioned above (along with a couple more like Can't Fight The Moonlight, and so forth) are definitely in my most played - the walk to work goes much faster when I'm in my cheese-zone. Of course, this kind of music isn't just limited to songs from the late 1990s or early 2000s, oh no no no. My dad, I know for a fact, is not only an enourmous ABBA fan, but he's also quite the fannalow (which is, I believe, the scientific term for a Barry Mannilow fan...)

Regardless of when the songs originate from, however, the point remains the same - everybody secretly enjoys them, but nobody is really willing to admit it. Well, I say that enough is enough, it's time to cast off the shackles of socially appropriate music and wave our dayglo banners proudly in the air. Nuts and Nerts to all those who would make us listen differently. Let's organise a street party! It would be amazing, in a very 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' kind of way...And who didn't love that film?

The moral of today's story is that, now that I've started my confession process about just how much I enjoy this kind of music, I feel much much better. It's wonderful to get something like that off your chest. Really, try it! Tell me what kind of music you like that you just know you shouldn't - specific song examples are appreciated to. Come on, embarrass yourself...You know you want to...

There Once Was Something Here [Fiction Friday, Part 1]

Hey Guys - What follows below is my first entry for "Fiction Friday". The story will be continued weekly until it ends (goodness knows how long that will be...) so let me know if you're enjoying it or what-have-you. I am calling the story "There Once Was Something Here."

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Prologue

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Serra threw the first punch. It's an important fact to remember, especially if you happen to bear witness to a very public fight, and most importantly if that fight happens to be between a college aged male and a very sharp looking woman in her mid thirties.

Fortunately for Tyson, he did not have to spend a great deal of brainpower on recalling who attempting to strike first. This was, however, entirely due to the fact that he was the university aged male who happened to have been called out by Serra as he tried to duck into the skatewear shop unnoticed.

"It's time to end this, boy..." she yelled, as if trying to draw the greatest size crowd she could - urging the world to see her work, "You and I, here and now..." The mass of shoppers parted, forming a ring around the two, seemingly unable to tear themselves away from the commotion that was unfolding before them.

"...I can't...like...fight you..." Tyson meekly whimpered, "You're...like...a girl..." The crowd closed in tighter, forcing the two together.

"You're...like...a girl..." Serra spat back mockingly, "Stand up for yourself - Use what you were taught and fight me, or come back home boy." She faked a lunge towards Tyson, who cowered back slightly - the crowd widened their berth to avoid any collateral damage in what they anticipated to be quite an involved battle. "You're pathetic, really, from the moment you walked into my class...I knew this day would come..." Serra cracked her neck threateningly, "I just didn't realise it would be so...public!" Pleasure oozed from the honeyed syllables of her final word, as she hurled her fist towards Tyson with alarming speed.

Tyson froze in position as the events of the past two months flashed before his eyes - starting out at university, meeting the twins, and then all that business with 'the academy'...'The Academy' - That's what caused this whole issue to start in the first place. If he'd only stayed away...But he knew deep down that he couldn't have avoided it, even if he'd wanted to. As Serra's fist connected with his chin he thought back over the events that led up to this point. As he fell backwards he wondered if he could have done it differently. As he crumpled to the floor he decided that it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Things are the way they are.

"Things are the way they are" - He'd heard that so many times recently that it was starting to lose all meaning. He giggled slightly, to himself. From his position he could hear Serra's heartbeat through the floor...LubDub...He could hear Serra's heartbeat and things are the way they are. He giggled to himself again.

"Things are the way they are." - LubDub.

"Things are the way they are." - LubDub.

"Things are the way they are..." - Lub

He remembered his first day of university.

Link To Next Part

I'm A Level 40 Woolworths Group Patron, With A 10 Level Amcal Multiclass, And 5 Levels Of Dabbling Into Priceline

I realised recently (I say recently, but this blog has been sitting as a seven word note in my phone since the 21st of December) that I have accumulated a number of items that allow to keep track of my loyalty to various outlets - "Points/Rewards Cards" is what I believe the layman would refer to them as...Although I suppose that, given they are actually titled such, that makes perfect sense. Anyway, one may recall that I discussed previously about how I made my work more enjoyable by turning it into something like a video game - and I have since realised that this is exactly what these businesses are doing for me with their reward schemes. A cunning plan indeed.

When I think back upon it, this all really started (for me, at least) before I moved to Sydney. I was still a humble student, just trying to make the most of my meager fortnightly allowance, when suddenly I was approached by woman who proffered me a way to (potentially) have a substantially larger food budget - on the condition that I carried around a little card with me, and used it to accumulate "points" by purchasing things at any of their chained stores.

I ran the proposition over in my head (as I always tend to do when someone tells me to do something like this) and came to the conclusion that, since it is a free service, I haven't particularly got much to lose (I also read the Terms and Conditions, I'm not a sucker, and if there are going to be any charges in the future, I want to know about it...) So I signed myself up to receive the occasional promotional email, and soon I was presented with my very own little orange membership card. Spiffy.

I soon found that the number of these cards I owned increased steadily, until I had three in my possession. The Woolworths one (which, after some period of time, actually began to function like a Frequent Fliers card as well, so I guess that kind of makes it 3 cards, and 4 services that I have...), a Priceline card (because I buy my hair stuff from there), and an Amcal one (because, before I moved back to Bathurst, I used to buy my diet products from there.) The Priceline and Amcal cards have actually served more purpose than the Woolworths one, due to the fact that, by using the card, I receive an amount of "store credit" that can be used at a time of my choosing (and yes, I am aware that they have most likely inflated their prices to reflect this, but if I wasn't using the card then I'd still be being hit by the inflation, and wouldn't be getting anything from the arrangement...)

It wasn't until a couple of months ago, however, that I made the connection between, say, points earned from Frequent Flier things and my PSN Gamer Score. Sure, the two don't directly affect one another (yet...) but they're giving me a series of points that I can spend on a number of rewards... Rewards that will make my everyday life better/easier in ways that range from minuscule to substantial... It is, if you will accept the metaphor, almost as though they've played an RPG before and are aware of the level up process. I can imagine the conversation that they must have had: "Hey guys, we could totally appeal to people's inner nerds by giving them Talent Points to spend on personal attributes..." "Aren't personal attributes a little difficult to increase simply by buying things at our stores...People will question it..." "Yeah, you're right...I know - we'll just give them things, things we produce easily...We'll call them rewards!" "Rewards Points!!" "We'll be billionaires...again!!"

Well, perhaps not, but a guy can dream, can't he? Speaking of dreaming, I'm going to go and spend my Woolies points on a some kind of "super-metabolism" ala The Sims. Maybe I'll see if I can get that "no bills, ever" upgrade while I'm at it...

The moral of this story is that, whilst distinguishing fantasy from reality is an important part of being able to function properly in society, it is okay to take a break from normality every once-in-a-while in order to...shall we say...enhance your reality. Or, admittedly, if you're me, then you occasionally need to take breaks from being a "spacked out weirdo" in order to properly interact with the rest of the world. But, really, who do you think gets more enjoyment from life? I know that I'm pretty darn happy, and I'm sure that the more "loosely attachment" members of my audience would find the same.

Familiarity Breeds Comfort, Not Contempt

I have, it has been noticed, a small problem with trying new things. This, however, is one of the many things that I intend of rectifying about my personal situation this year (amongst the others are attempting to get myself back down to a healthy weight - hence the Weigh-In Wednesdays - and take lessons for my cello.) To this end I have made it my goal to expose myself to things that I have never before experienced - primarily, at this stage anyway, this involves eating new foods.

Now, eating new foods may not be something that you would personally consider that much of a challenge. For me, on the other hand, it can be exceedingly difficult - if there is even the slightest amount of doubt in my mind that what I'm about to eat will be nothing other than extremely delicious I kind of interally 'wig out', if you will. It has been difficult for me to actually get my hand to my mouth, at times.

This incapacitation when faced with different foodstuffs has, admittedly, been the prompt for a couple of quite amusing escapades (well, amusing to me, anyway) including the first time I can remember eating olives. Last year I was visiting my friend Marija with Andy, and we were making little pizzas when I was asked if I wanted olives on mine. I politely declined, stating that I'd never had them before, and I didn't think I'd like them. I was then prompted (I say prompted, but it turned, after a couple of minutes, into amusing badgering, and then into someone trying to stick an olive up my nose...) for a while to just try the olive. In the end my hands were held so I couldn't retaliate, and the olive was placed in my mouth by another party. It was, admittedly, delicious, and I now have them at every opportunity (which reminds me, I need to buy some more today, to have with lunch tomorrow...)

Ever since the new year, however, when I got into my whole "healthy eating, no more take-out unless it's a special occasion" regime, I have been cooking my own lunches (dinner and breakfast are taken care of differently, but that is another post for another time...) It was not long before I realised that cooking myself a simple variation on the same meal every day was...well...boring...This is when I went into what I shall term my 'bento-phase', which soon proved both too time-consuming and funds-consuming to remain sustainable (although it was delicious...Oh goodness yes...)

This, then, has led me to where I am now. Sitting here, with my lunchbox staring at me...challenging me to eat its contents...knowing that, come 1pm, I will have no choice but to consume its innards or suffer the pangs of low blood-sugar. Over the past two weeks I have led myself up to the point where I am more than comfortable to eat capsicum (which I now really enjoy), cabbage, avocado, olives, and various spice agents (mustard seed, paprika, etc.) - but none of this was really very adventurous. I mean, I've always like avocado, and cabbage is basically lettuce. Capsicum is a special situation...I mean, if Chairman Takeshi Kaga can bite into a raw bell-pepper as though it was an apple, I don't see what's stopping me from eating it raw in little cubes.

Today, on the other hand, marks a real change for me. Today I am going to eat something that I prepared using chilli. This, for me, is pretty cool - mostly because I don't really like spicy things (mouth-pain is a particularly woeful nemesis of mine...) but I have endeavoured to build up a tolerance, and really get into it. This is not only because of the health benefits that chillis are supposed to have, but also because I would like to be able to go out and enjoy something like Thai, Indian, or Mexican food with Andy, Lydia, Spud, et al.

The moral of this story is that there are a couple of new TV series that I've watched recently that I really think I can get into. I may, come to think of it, do a couple of micro-reviews in a couple of posts time. As a quick...mini-preview...I suppose, I shall divulge to you the names of a few shows that (I believe) you should be watching: No Ordinary Family, Jimmy's Food Factory, & Tower Prep - they are really quite cool, each in their own way. A show that, alternatively, you should avoid like the plague is Todd & The Book Of Pure Evil. It was poorly written, the acting was worse than a D-Grade horror film, and it held more cliche than what is behind this link.